A Family Affair: Addiction and Codependency

The codependency that exists between an addict and his or her family can be one of the biggest issues standing in the way of getting people into treatment and keeping them in recovery. Codependency makes addiction a family affair. One example of codependency, or becoming over-involved in the addict’s life, might be covering up bad behavior. Another is making excuses for the addict and not allowing them to suffer the consequences of their actions. When it comes to addiction and codependency, you have to remember that you cannot control the behavior of others, but you can refuse to support it.

Other signs of codependency in a family are:

• The addiction is never discussed outside of the family
• Family members may feel that they can’t say what they really think or feel about the problem
• Problems arise, not from the drug use, but from the denial of the problem
• The addicts drug use takes center stage in family life
• The problem is never mentioned

Often times family members are unaware that they are contributing to the problem. In an effort to help the addict, they make decisions based on what they think the addict needs. Codependency is a family affair because the behavior doesn’t just effect the addict, it effects each member. Aside from hindering efforts to get an addict help, codependency can have the following effects on family members:

• Role confusion within the family and in other personal and professional relationships
• Unhealthy avoidance of conflict or it’s opposite
• Difficulty communicating emotions
• Constant need for approval
• Trust and control issues
• Difficulty in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others

Destructive behaviors develop when an addiction problem is left untreated in a family. Since codependent behaviors become routine, you and your family may have trouble recognizing them or seeing how unhealthy they are. It’s also not easy to see how they are contributing to the problem because the intentions are good. And different families are affected by codependency in different ways. It varies depending on how long the addiction has existed, how advanced it is, how much shame and secrecy surrounds the problem, and the roles and responsibilities of the addict.