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The codependency that exists between an addict and his or her family can be one of the biggest issues standing in the way of getting people into treatment and keeping them in recovery. Codependency makes addiction a family affair. One example of codependency, or becoming over-involved in the addict’s life, might be covering up bad behavior. Another is making excuses for the addict and not allowing them to suffer the consequences of their actions. When it comes to addiction and codependency, you have to remember that you cannot control the behavior of others, but you can refuse to support it.

Other signs of codependency in a family are:

• The addiction is never discussed outside of the family
• Family members may feel that they can’t say what they really think or feel about the problem
• Problems arise, not from the drug use, but from the denial of the problem
• The addicts drug use takes center stage in family life
• The problem is never mentioned

Often times family members are unaware that they are contributing to the problem. In an effort to help the addict, they make decisions based on what they think the addict needs. Codependency is a family affair because the behavior doesn’t just effect the addict, it effects each member. Aside from hindering efforts to get an addict help, codependency can have the following effects on family members:

• Role confusion within the family and in other personal and professional relationships
• Unhealthy avoidance of conflict or it’s opposite
• Difficulty communicating emotions
• Constant need for approval
• Trust and control issues
• Difficulty in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others

Destructive behaviors develop when an addiction problem is left untreated in a family. Since codependent behaviors become routine, you and your family may have trouble recognizing them or seeing how unhealthy they are. It’s also not easy to see how they are contributing to the problem because the intentions are good. And different families are affected by codependency in different ways. It varies depending on how long the addiction has existed, how advanced it is, how much shame and secrecy surrounds the problem, and the roles and responsibilities of the addict.

Substance abuse denial stands in the way of getting help. I know it seems impossible, but because of substance abuse denial, spouses and close relatives are often the last to know about a loved one’s problem. That’s because substance abuse denial is a strong force. It’s often our love or protective instincts that cause the substance abuse denial. We make excuses for an addict’s behavior or ignore the warning signs even when they are right in front of us.

An example of substance abuse denial is when Diane Schuler drove the wrong way down the Taconic Parkway in New York in July 2009. She crashed and killed her 2-year-old daughter, three nieces, and three men in a car she hit. Her five-year-old son survived, but suffered a severe brain injury.

To many, Diane was a take-charge wife, devoted mother who constantly volunteered at her children’s school, and an highly-payed cable-TV executive. But, as CBS News reported, a bottle of vodka was found in the mangled wreckage of Schuler’s minivan. A preliminary autopsy of Schuler ruled out a stroke, heart attack, or aneurysm. And a toxicology report found her blood-alcohol level was more than twice the state’s legal limit (the equivalent of ten shots of vodka), and she had high levels of the key ingredient of marijuana in her system. Despite these findings, her husband and closest relatives continued to display symptoms of substance abuse denial. Her husband at a press conference even stated, “I never saw her drunk since the day I met her.” He failed to answer questions about any marijuana use.

Why and how does substance abuse denial exist? Often times, loved ones do recognize the warning signs or red flags of substance abuse. But fear or inability to deal with the reality of the problem, keep families in the dark. This is what causes substance abuse denial. We are so scared of what we would do if we were to acknowledge the problem, that we continue the denial. This is why it’s important to reach out to places like ExecuCare, who have a team of specialists trained to deal with situations of substance abuse. Denial doesn’t need to stand in the way of getting help.